BIO
Name: Yannick Pineapple
Age: ?
Siblings: a sister named Yannicka
Pets: a grape named Fido
Likes:
incest, laydees and fluffy sex toys
Dislikes: juicers and other potentially dangerous electrical appliances
YANNICK'S
STORY
Yannick sprouted from the biggest branch on the pineapple bush (that's pineapple BUSH not pineapple TREE. BUSH!),
just as his father had before him. His fellow pineapples knew he would make it big in England and they were right. One day
Yannick was plucked from his cosy branch on the pineapple BUSH and shipped off around the world. He visted Italy, Spain, France,
Germanland and other small insignificant countries such as Luxemburg. Not that he had anything against Luxemburg it's just
that it is not very important in this story. He finally landed in England where he was packaged and sent to Asda, a popular
British supermarket.
This particular Asda was situated in Grantham and was usually full on a Saturday even though there there was
a vast car park on the premises. Anyway, Yannick was placed on a shelf in the fruit aisle. Yannick sat for a while and wondered
why the shelf stackers had thought it appropriate to place him next to some bananas however his thoughts were interrupted
when a group of strange girls walked in, chatting about badgers, mushrooms and snakes. He understand none of these things
but he stood still and tried to look as handsome as possible as the girls drew closer. One of these girls (whose name was
Kate but he didn't know this yet) seemed to get particularly excited about all the pineapples standing so neatly in a row
that she started jumping up and down and hugging each pineapple in turn. When she got to Yannick she stared in awe. She put
him in her shopping basket and she and the other strange girls paid good money for him (about 50p).
Yannick and Kate were getting on fairly well until Yannick began to get bored. He was too sex obsessed for
his own good and he started to 'play around' with the other pineapples in the fruit bowl. His favourite partner strangely
enough turned out to be his little sister Yannicka. But this did not stop Yannick from getting what he wanted. He carried
on committing incest behind Kate's back. I mean, seriously, how stupid could one person get! But he gradually became sloppy
and one day Kate opened the door to finish making her smoothie and she caught Yannick red handed with his sister and a pink
fluffy sex toy. She thought hard first about whether doing what she was about to do was sensible, I mean, she'd never usually
dream of doing this to a pineapple...I know what you're thinking, YOU SICK MINDED PEOPLE! No! Kate picked up Yannick and whacked
him straight into the juicer. She put the lid on so as not to cause a mess and pressed the button. Round and round Yannick
went. His body being chopped and chopped and chopped. Until...Yannick was... A SMOOTHIE. Kate couldn't bring herself to drink
it so she left it on the counter. And this was the mistake that she made.
We don't know how, when, where or even why, but Yannick managed to make himself solid again and escape. He
decided to help other pineapples out of their terrible ordeals just as he had escaped from being a smoothie. All in all, Yannick
had not changed at all except that he now shared his problems with others. But unfortunately he did not share his jelly with
others when he had it for dessert. THE END FOR NOW...
(written by Kate)
