How To Be An Ideal Teenager
Hello. I am Emma, the most un-teenager-ish teen you'll ever meet. So I'm writing a guide to teenager
life.
What?
Thank you. Anyway, here are my tips:
1) Only ever answer anything with a grunt. No coherent words of any kind.
2) Go emo frequently. NOBODY UNNERSTAAANDS ME! Write poetry about death and feel ill whenever anyone
mentions blood.
3) Wear ripped jeans and a baseball cap at all times. This includes the shower-for that really greasy
hair look.
4) Buy teen magazines. Follow every tip in them.
5) Frequently discuss kissing. Loudly.
6) Never be seen without junk food.
7) Love Beyonce.
So a typical conversation would go like this:
Teen: Mum, 'ave yer seen anyfink lioke me cd?
Mum: where'd you put it?
Teen: WOSSAMARRER?
Mum: ...
Teen: AM I JUST NOT GOOD ENUFF FOR YA? YOU WANTED MY BESSIE HOMIE TO BE YOUR DAUGHTER!
Mum: ...
Teen: OI'M GONNA KILL MYSELF AND THEN YER'LL BE SORRY!
Mum: Try not to leave a mess. Would you like pork for tea?
Teen: ARRRGH! *stomps upstairs and writes emo poetry*
Coming soon: How to be a stereotypical goth.
